2011 - A new year and for whatever reason, I always have this strange sense on January 1st that it's a day of new beginnings. New Year Resolutions aside (though they have their place), today marks the fresh turning of a New Calender, new day planner page. And it gives me a sense of peace to know the God who walked and carried us every step of 2010 is already aware of this new season of my life.
This blog has been multifaceted in the past. It's been mainly a form of keeping my family scattered across the US of what's going on in our world. In many ways it's a method of documenting for my children, the things that are happening in our lives individually and as a family. Occasionally there's other "stuff" that I've learned or found helpful that I like to share with anyone interested. But I sense it's time for a more focused approach.
In this "blog world" there can be a surface depth disclosure (as with any public networking information sharing system) that leads to a warped view of who people are. I've been asked before by people who read my blog where my "super woman" cape is. To set the record straight for anyone who reads this blog - I don't own one - nor do I want to. One of the valuable lessons I learned this summer was that God has created me uniquely to be me. I'm not someone else and I'm not more than one. Reading blogs can very quickly put me in a "I need to do that, so-and-so does it this way, let's work on implementing this" mindset and pretty soon I'm violating 2 Cor 10:12, "We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise."
God's not impressed with my ability to take on more than He intends for me. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you SHOULD do that something. This summer brought a total halt to everything I thought defined who I was as a person - and it was terrifying to temporarily have those things stripped from me. But I've traveled far enough away from that point to realize what a gift it was. God allowed the natural process of a severe reaction to medication and then drug withdraw to let me see what's really important.
There have been times in my life when it's made me a little sad to look at my age and think, "I wanted to be so much further in this or that area, I thought by now this area of my life would be more mature, etc". But life happens whether you're ready for it or not - and when you add children to the mix...well, time flies! Between training children, doing wash, cooking meals, washing fingerprints off windows, spending time reading God's word, vacuuming mud off carpets, taking children to doctors, scrubbing floors and toilets, offering a helping hand to a neighbor, changing the toilet paper roll, buying groceries, looking for good clothing deals, communicating with your husband, memorizing scripture, picking up toys, sorting through toys, trying to quietly help toys to disappear, meditating on Scripture, trying to find healthy recipes to fix for you family (okay, you get the idea)you're weary and wondering if you're ever going to find those carefree days when you could focus on growing as a person. Many times I've wished I could jump off the merry-go-round for just a moment to catch my breath. God allowed that to happen this summer, not for a moment, or a day, nor a week - but months. And what I found was, a lot of those things I listed, though necessary and valuable, had taken priority instead of being supporting factors of THE MAIN THING. So this year I'll be sharing some of the lessons I learned - not because anyone else can be me - but because we're all on this journey of LIFE together. And sometimes it's nice to know we're not alone. I'm also documenting this for my children who watched miracles take place in our home this summer - that they won't ever forget THE MAIN THING.
So, blessings on all my friends and family in this New Year - 2011!
6 comments:
I'm so thankful that "it is He who has made us and not we ourselves." I have been feeling so strongly that He wants to teach me more in just this area... It was great to see you a couple weeks ago!
Marianne,
I so appreciate what you are saying in this post. I can relate to the false images people can get from a blog. I struggle with knowing how to honestly communicate reality and still have an appropriate level of vulnerability when it comes to the www. It's a balance, I suppose, all those who blog should continually strive toward.
Me too! I want to be real without hanging out the dirty laundry. To share and read ideas without being "unwise." To capture these flying-by days without losing my balance.
Honestly, I feel like it has tied me up a bit this year for some reason. But one of the gifts Blogging has given me is the people like me who have come out of the woodwork and said..."Me too! Glad I'm not the only one!" Or even to show a different perspective to make me think.
Although we may not always catch that perfect balance, I think that honesty about our glorious-hard lives is better than the artificial facades behind which we've seen so many trapped.
I want to be me. But I want to read about you being you! I want to learn from what God has taught you. And I'm thankful - with you - for those (many) times I've been a bit of a heap on the floor to give perspective and learn lessons I couldn't learn anywhere else.
Looking forward to reading more....!
So true! As we both know when you've gone through PPD and crippling depression and anxiety sometimes we feel like we're the only ones going through it because everyone tends to paint such a rosy picture of their life. But we never know what goes on behind closed doors. And if me being open and honest about my life, the way IT REALLY IS helps someone else feel like they're not alone, then it's worth it.
I so enjoyed seeing you today for a few minutes! I also appreciate what you have to say in this post.
Super Woman or not, you make super icing. :-) Bless you for your being transparent! I look forward to your thoughts.
I am sorry we didn't catch up with each other at Homecoming. It seemed like every time I headed your way, someone was chatting with you, and I didn't want to interrupt.
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