My computer has decided that life is no longer worth living and would like desperately to die. But I have to much of my brain saved on the thing so once Philip has a break it's going to get some work done. Short of reformatting the hard drive he's done everything that can be done.
That would be the reason I've not posted. There are lots of pictures and even some video but it's all on the dying machine and isn't accessible. So..... I decided to post a post from my Parenting on Purpose Blog where I address my sons from the heart. This is a post that I did back in March.
This evening was spent going through all of the clothes that I have for you boys size 0-3 months. Tomorrow there is a consignment sale that I've decided to sell all of your clothes that are still in good condition...which is actually quite a bit of stuff. You boys didn't spit up very much at this stage and so very few of the things had to be put aside because of stains.
As I sorted there were so many memories that flooded my mind. Sights, sounds and feelings just kept washing over me. The little green, yellow and orange outfits that Allan wore so much because we didn't know you were going to be a boy so most people gave us neutral items. Some of the outfits all three of you wore and then there were special outfits that had special memories to just one of you. Daniel used to look so cute in the little blue sleeper with airplanes on it. Stephen's sleeper that had little green frogs on it that said, "So happy". And the little green sleeper with yellow ducks that Allan was wearing when we took some pictures after he came home from the hospital. As I lay in bed tonight the tears just flowed down my cheeks (and into my ears which is so annoying!) You little guys are growing up so fast.
Never again will I have need for 0-3 month outfits. There will not be another little boy to wear these clothes. They're now lovingly packed in a box and will be delivered to the sale site tomorrow morning. And I feel as though I've packed away part of my life. I'm not sorry that it will only be the three of you. I'm just sorry that these days have gone so quickly and we'll never return to this season again.
Every section of life is a season. The season of childbearing is over for me. It has taught me so much and made me a better person. I've been stretched beyond what I thought I was capable of stretching. Yes, this evening I'm a little sad. I'll miss the innocence of those days, the willing smiles in the morning, the constant drooling and putting everything into your mouth, the peaceful nights, the smells of a clean baby, the fuzzy hairless heads, the giggles, the snuggles.
This season is coming to a close and I will miss it. There's excitement with the new chapter that's about to begin. An almost 5 year old, a two year old and a little boy who will be 1 this year. It's fun when we can talk with you! watch you run and play. But for tonight, the tears will gently make their way down my cheeks as I remember your baby days....and wish they hadn't gone with such swiftness.